The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
