dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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