The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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