why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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