Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
