my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
