Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I have aggressive nipples.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
