why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
