no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
