Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
