she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
