If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
