Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
