I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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