What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
