I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
