My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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