How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
