I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
