Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have already put on my inside pants.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
