i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
