apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
