I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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