she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
of course. lets lasso hookers.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
