I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
