i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
