gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
