I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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