I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
