are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
