Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
