3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
