My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
