she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
