I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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