her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
