eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
