I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
