Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
