Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
