The maid of honor just puked.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
