There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
