You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
