what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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