i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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