You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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