Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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