yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
