The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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