Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
