If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
