True but thats because hes a fetus.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
