we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
