East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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