then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
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